Day 36 (week 6, day 1)

After making it through Friday, I thought this morning would be fairly easy (aside from knee pain, which is an issue unto itself). I was wrong. I don't know if it was yesterday's family turmoil, getting to bed late, or the 40°F reading that made it so hard this morning. In reality, it was likely a combination of the three.

My knee brace did not work out as well as I had hoped. It kept working down from the top and bunching up at the knee. It might have provided some support, but definately not that for which I was hoping. In reality, the knee only bothered me during the walking segments, but once it was agitated, it affected my run. I really need to figure out what's going on with it.

Between my legs feeling fatigued, almost from the start of the session, and the pain in my knee, it was a miserable workout this morning. I got through it, but I wanted to quit on more than one occasion. In fact, that was probably my prevalent train of thought, "I just want to give up."

Thankfully, I made it through, though it was really tough today. It wasn't my breathing. It was just my legs and feeling fatigued.

While out picking up that knee brace yesterday, we ran into some friends. I'm amazed by how you can know someone for a while and still learn more things about them. As it turns out, he's a veteran of four marathons. He was excited to learn about our secret plan. We talked a bit about how hard it was for us during the first few weeks, and how there are still some days where we feel like quitting. He mentioned that, should we ever feel fatigued, we should just consider stopping and trying again later in the day or later in the week. While I appreciated what he was trying to convey, I let him know that doing that was not an option for me because, once I stop doing something, I find it very hard to ever start doing it again. For me, missing one day would jeopardize ending the whole effort.

Yet today I seriously considered it. During the warm-up walk and the first run, I was so uncomfortable that I wondered about trying it again later in the day, when it would be warmer, and brighter, and when I would be more ready. I know myself, however, so I know that "later today" would become "tomorrow," and that "tomorrow" would become "we'll try again next week." At that point, "next week" might as well be "next year."

It's on days like today I just wish I could wake up thin, or at least with a 50lb. head start on my weight loss. I've always been big, and I've most always hated it. So many people assume that people are fat because they are lazy. When I reached my peak, I tried exercising to lose weight, but at that time even walking was painful for more than short distances. Everyone says "exercise," but that's hard to do when you have no energy and no endurance. This Couch to 5k program has been great in that is has allowed me a way to step into things, but given as had as it was during the first week, I'm pretty sure there are many out there who would have trouble completing Week 1. I'm not going to fault them, or point fingers at them. I've been there.

I'm hoping my knee settles down. I can't imagine continuing on it during the rest of the week if it continues to feel the way it does now. Yet I know I need to continue--I cannot give up. Giving up would negate everything I've gained (and lost!) thus far. I don't want to go back to being that way. I want to keep moving forward. Why must it all be so hard?