Here's the skinny: I've been near 300 lbs. for years and need to lose weight. I'm married to a wonderful lady, and we have a family. One of our boys often asks if I'll run with him. I've always had to tell him, "No." In August of '09, my wife learned about a couch-to-5k running program, and I agreed to try it with her. This blog chronicles our progress on that training program. I hope I'll soon be able to surprise my son by telling him, "Yes, I'll go running with you!"

Monday, December 7, 2009

I am my own worst enemy

For the first time in over a week, I have the time to write here, but I find that I don't have the desire to do so.  I just finished up a class last night, so this is the first night in a couple of months that I don't have a boatload of writing or reading to do.  Technically, I could get a head start on the next class, but I just can't.

If it were not for the fact that one of our sons celebrated his birthday this weekend, I'd have no clue as to the date. I've not run in 10 days, and I haven't finished the second week of 100 Pushups.  I've been staying up way too late, getting too little sleep, and have been using food to get me through the longer study nights. I'm up a couple more pounds, and I have no desire to exercise. On top of that, I'm dealing with a lot of personal stress on other fronts right now. I just want to give up, but I know I can't. I need to get back in the game.  I need to stop the snacks and get back to healthy portions.  I need sleep, and I need to exercise.

Please don't be mad at me. This is a real struggle for me.

I'm so tired.  I want to give up, but I don't want to give up! That sums up much of my struggle.  It's a battle in my head, and my life and health are at stake.

I guess I need to celebrate the little victories, even in the midst of my losses. I've gotten back to biking to work regularly.  When my knee was giving me problems, I laid off on the biking.  I resumed a few times, but would stop again after the next rough run.  Now that my knee is no longer bothering me, I'm trying to ride every day, even though we're below freezing and expecting six inches of snow.  I have some gaiters that both protect my lower leg and ankle from the wind and keep my pants from snagging in the chain, a light fleece balaclava that fits under my helmet and keeps my face warm, large snowmobile-type gloves, and (since I wear prescription glasses) ski goggles.  Overall, it makes me quite a sight, especially in this smaller town where most people think of bikes as three-season transportation.  Mrs. F got me a set of studded ice tires last spring, but I don't yet have a second set of rims on which to mount them.  I'm keeping my eyes open for a used bike I can rig with them, so I won't need to worry about switching them off and on as the weather changes.

I've had enough for tonight. I need sleep.  I've come to learn that a lack of sleep affects everything else--my mood, my energy level, and even how much I crave crappy foods.  When I'm well-rested, I feel better and think clearer.  To that end, I'm signing off now.


  1. Get some rest!! Good job...tackle 1 thing at a time and don't beat yourself up. (I know, easier said than done...)

    Concentrate on good food and don't stress over the running. I'm impressed on biking in MN in Dec.


  2. You can only do what you can do. Half the battle is learning what makes you tick and you've made a lot of headway in that area. Just give yourself credit for what you are able to do and don't pressure yourself to do more than what you can handle.

    Luckily life is a marathon, not a 100-yard dash ;) You don't have to do everything right today--hang in there.

  3. Struggling with situations like this will be the experiences that will be the basis for how you handle them in the future - including realizing that when you're in the stress it feels like everytyhing is falling apart. But when it clears things will look up.

    Here is a practical example from my life: If my run day is tomorrow and I'm going to bed really late, I know I can get up with 4 or 5 hours of sleep, and do the run and make it through the day - AS LONG AS - I know I can get to bed early the next night. If I see multiple low-sleep days coming on I'll forego the run and say "It's just a few days. Taking those off won't have a significant impact." Unfortunately, it takes stressful situations and trial and error to realize what works and what doesn't. And the newer you are to having a regular exercise program, the more frequently those situations come. :-(

    Rest. Eat well. You'll feel like running. And I bet it will feel great when you.


  4. Thanks, all for your support. I did get a full night's rest the night before last, and very well close to it last night. This weekend, I have a camping trip with the boys--we'll be cabin-camping at an area Scout camp and we'll be active all morning before settling down for some training in the afternoon. I've found out that my sleep cycle is really out of whack right now, as I'm struggling to stay awake in the early afternoons (i.e., now) and I'm having a hard time calling it quits and heading to bed at night. Hopefully I can get that ironed out.

    I know I should take a run this afternoon, but right now, I'm just fighting to stay awake.


Curious? Surprised? Have some good tips? Please leave a comment for us here. We especially would love to hear about your successes, or to hear your words of encouragement. Knowing you're out there will help us to keep at it!