The 7 miler

Today was slated to be my long run. I was planning on doing at least 6 today since my longer runs lately have been on the shorter end. I got up with the idea that maybe, just maybe, I wanted to try 7.

I set out on a gravel road heading out of town and then connected up to a state trail. Its an old rail line, so its fairly leval with minimal elevation.

The first 3 miles were tough. It just felt long and drug out and I started rethinking the plan. I kept telling myself that I just need to get to 2.5 miles(I was doing a turn around and doubling back). I just keep plugging away.

I set a pacing goal of 12-13 minute miles. It was harder than I thought to keep my pace slow enough to do that long of a run. There were points that I allowed myself to go faster for a short while at least.

At about 3.1 miles, I start thinking about how far out I am and the fact that I didnt bring a cell phone. I started wondering bout the brilliance of this plan. I hit 3.25 and I found my stride for awhile! At 3.5 miles run, I turned around on the trail and started running back.

This is the point where I really regretted forgetting my sunglasses as I was facing directly into the sun. Thankfully the trail was wooded and had various shade patches along the way. It was about 66 degrees out with a nice breeze.

My insides of my legs hurt for the first 3 miles, than at mile 4 my quads took up the mantra. The weird thing was the inside of my legs felt fine then.

I didnt hit the wall til mile 5. Then it was tough, I still had two miles to go and I was in direct sunlight. I had come off the trail section back unto the gravel road. Just keep running, just keep running was my mantra for awhile. The songs changed on my playlist and uplifted my mood a bit. I found a bit more of my stride at mile 6. It just might have been the fact that it was a downhill moment though.

For the last mile, I allowed myself to go as fast or as slow as I wanted. I ran sub 12 for the first half mile, then slowed to sub 13 for awhile and finished by sprinting sub 10. I ended up with overall average pace of 11:57.

This was my longest run yet for distance and time both. It took me 1 hour and 23 minutes and 41 seconds!!!

I will definitely take the next two days off as rest days as Ive run 13.9 miles this week total. And if I included last Saturday as well, it would be 18.6 in the last 7 days. I suspect its time for a rest!

Weight check later today. Im not sure what to expect. Part of me wonders since I had really really low calorie days(1200-1400) last week and had a big loss, if this week will be a gain. I kept my calorie intakes to a reasonale leval this week, but they just werent as low as last weeks. I also ran 3 days this week as well. Time will tell!

Stay tuned folks...

Mrs. F

New personal distance record, scary breathing problem

[5.0 miles in 82 minutes]

I missed going out with Mrs. F this morning, because I was up until 3AM getting my paper done.  Rather than letting it slide for the day, I decided to go out for a run this evening. I decided to push myself a bit, and ended up running five miles!  I currently feel like warmed-over death, but that's much better than shortly after my run ended.  Let me explain...

After the end of the run, I came in and planned to take a shower.  As I entered the bathroom, I noticed an odd smell in the air.  Mrs. F told me that one of our daughters had, without permission of course, sprayed a bunch of Febreeze air spray in the bathroom.  I've always disliked strong smells (some will give me headaches), but as I prepared to shower, I found myself gasping for breath.  I literally felt my lungs tighten up, and I couldn't get a good breath without making a horrible, wheezing gasps.  We had an inhaler around, so I took two hits, and I stayed in our bedroom under the ceiling fan until my breathing was better.

Let me just say this: it scared the crap out of me.  For a minute, I thought there was a chance I might die.

I've never been diagnosed with asthma, and this is the first time this ever happened.  I'll mention it to the doctor.  I think the thickness of that scent in the air, on top of my lungs being fatigued from the run, was the source of the trouble, but it still scared the snot out of me.  I'm still coughing every few minutes, even thought I got home 90 minutes ago. Mrs. F is throwing the bottle away, and I plan on writing the manufacturer (at a minimum, they need to know what happened).

That was scary.  It sort of took the enjoyment out of my accomplishment--five miles is my longest run ever, and it brings my total for the past five days to 12 miles.

A family affair

Now that Mr. F is back on the running bandwagon, some of the kids are following suit. We had some discussions about what we wanted for our kids. Neither of us had good healthy execise habits. Imagine where we could have been if that had been part of our lives all along.

So we've decided that being active 3 times a week is going to be mandatory. Most of our kids dont struggle with weight and are fairly active. Although, like other kids, video games and sedentary activities like reading pull at them. So 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes(or they can do distance based like the minumum is a mile). Our family has a genetic history on at least one side of high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholestol and heart disease. So they have a strike right off the bat. I want to encourage them to develop life long habits of making exercise a part of their lives.

Most of the kids are fine with this. A few are puzzled at the requirement -- after all they are pretty active kids. The lone holdout is my 16 yr old daughter. She is very resistant to the idea of adding exercise into her routine. In fact, she is flat out refusing. It doesnt have to be running -- it can be walking, running or even dancing. The main goal is to get out there and be active. I might need to pull out my parental arsenal of consquences :)

I expect some resistence to change but Im hoping we can make this a family affair!

Musical words

I had my yearly physical today. It had been a year since I was last in that clinic. The last time I weighed 183 pounds and today I weighed 155.4. My doctor said that Im at a healthy weight for my height. Those words were music to my ears. Its been a long and hard year.

There are other indicators that my health is on the right track -- my cholesterol numbers were fantastic and my blood pressure was nice and low.

This is the fruit of my labor. I think back to some of those frigid cold days of running. I remember putting on layer after layer just to get out to run. It was worth it. There were months that I thought Id never get here -- after the scale read the same or higher each week.

For some of you, the journey is longer. I just want to encourage to keep plugging away. Keep moving, whether its running or walking or dancing. You can do it!

Mrs. F

Two times in three days...not bad for a reboot

Mrs. F and I were out again this morning.  My pace was still a bit slow (over 16mm), but this route had more long climbs, and one steep one, so I won't complain.  With today's 2.75 miles, that brings me to just a hair under seven (7) miles over the past three days.

My body still remembered Saturday's run as we began, and it seemed to take a very long time to find my slogging stride.  I didn't get that feeling of "everything's good" on this run, and I didn't feel like I was getting into a grove until at least a mile-and-a-half in, perhaps closer to two miles.  It was nice to be on a different route again, however--many visual distractions to keep my mind from focusing on its desire to go back home and crawl into bed.

There was a good, stiff wind this morning, and it was just cool enough to make me feel chilled as we began. We were going head-on into the wind after our first turn, so the wind and the hill opposed us.  Mrs. F has run the route before, so she knew what we were facing.  She told me that there was a "wicked" hill on our next segment, and I could soon see why she described it that way.  I took my eyes off the hill and looked down and around.  I admired the densely wooded lot on our left.  By the time I looked up again, I was well up on my climb, and I just needed to keep moving.

When we reached the intersection that marked where we'd turn back toward the house, I thought about continuing on.  Rather than risk pushing myself too far, however, I decided it was best for me to suffice with a bit less than three miles today.  That four-plus route can wait for another day.

I'm looking forward to weight-check on Friday.  In looking back on my chart (which I had to fill in with dummy numbers around those weights I had recorded in order for the graph to show up in Excel), I realize just how much I messed up over the past six months.  Instead of losing another 30 or more pounds, I had gained back ten (or more) and am only now back to where I was shortly after our secret plan was revealed.

At the same time, however, the prospect of the November Turkey Trot suddenly seemed less intimidating.  After all, I really could drop another 30 (or more) pounds between now and then, and I can only imagine that running will be easier when I weigh less.

Oh, well.  That's all for now.  I need to top off my bike tires so I can get back to riding, and I need to plan on running again on Wednesday.  For today and tomorrow, however, I need to put my nose to the grindstone, and crank out my final research paper.  I'm so looking forward to school being done.  Hurrah!

Not bad, considering...

I actually feel pretty good, considering I ran 4.24 miles yesterday.  I can feel it in my quads, but I had expected to feel it in my lower back.  My quads aren't too bad, either.  I only really notice it when stooping, or when going down the stairs.  Going up feels fine.

Mrs. F has asked me to run again in the morning.  Though I need to get in to work early tomorrow, I just may go for that run (though I don't think I'll be trying for four!).

Good night.

The FatMan Runneth

It's been a month since my last run, and that one was only a mile.  At the end of it, I felt deflated and defeated. It seemed that all the progress I made last fall under the Couch-to-5k program had been undone. I wondered if I could ever get active again, despite all the encouraging comments I received here.

Well, over the past month, Mrs. F has been walking a fine line between encouraging me and nagging me about running.  There's always been a reason not to run (e.g., up too late, need to get in to work early, headache, too hot, too many mosquitos, general malaise), so when she asked again last night, I was ready to blow it off again.  "After all," I reasoned, "I need to finish my final paper, and I really need some sleep because it's been a long week at work and a stressful week at home.

To my surprise, when I woke at six o'clock this morning, I found myself waking up our eldest son to watch the kids so that Marie and I could go running.  I guess I just took action this morning before I could think my way out of it.

It's been hot and humid lately, so I was pleased to find it in the low- to mid-60s when we left.  The air was thick with mosture--fog clung close to the earth.  It's my first summer run, so I wasn't sure what to wear.  I went with a pair of compression boxer briefs and a pair of swim trunks for shorts, and a light tech shirt for on top.  Knowing that I hoped to go more than a mile today, I grabbed a toy I picked up over the intervening months--a CamelBak resevoir--and took it along.

Remembering my last run, and the fact that I started out way too fast, I told Mrs. F that I wanted to pace at about 14 or 15 as we set out.  My route was entirely new today, as I've never run along the roads in town before. I'm starting to think that Biggest Loser has done a lot for altering people's perspectives.  Somehow, seeing that show available every week acclimates those "normal" or "healthy" body types to seeing a fat guy like me out there trying to make a difference.  Well, that, at least, was how I rationalized things.  I guess it (though I don't watch it regularly) has made me feel more comfortable about being seen as a fat guy trying to make a change.

The first half-mile was just what I expected--grinding against the machine.  My body and mind were asking "Why?" and they weren't interested in my reasoned and logical responses. Mrs. F started ticking off milage, but I asked her not to do so--it was too early in the run.  I didn't want to give my mind more fuel for fighting me. We began on an uphill stretch.  When she did announce that we finished the first half-mile, I was still fighting to call the shots in my body.  I wasn't as sore as I was on my last run, but I was still working to regulate my breath and to keep my arms relaxed.  At that point, I determined that I had to try for two miles.

Mrs. F was being kind.  She stuck close, and even ran backwards so she could stay with me.  Perhaps three-fourths of a mile in, I told her to go ahead and take a loop through a subdivision while I continued ahead and to the right.  I knew she wouldn't have a problem catching back up to me, and I didn't feel right holding her back.

She made her turn and I set my face on making it the two or three blocks to my next turn.  Somewhere on that stretch, things settled in a bit.  When I made the turn, I had to head down a fairly steep grade for about a block, and I let my stride lengthen as I tried to relax further.  Coming up the next hill wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

I made it back to the street where we were to rendezvous, and I looked for signs of Mrs. F.  Part of me wondered if she had completed her loop, cut across, and gotten ahead of me.  I quickly set it out of my mind as I began to notice something.

My body remembered.

Yes, after six months puncuated by only a single mile of running, my body remembered how to run and it found its stride. I didn't have a runner's high, and it's not as if it didn't require any effort.  It's just that everything felt fine.  I was happy with my pace, I had no aches or pains, and my breathing was not labored.

Soon after, Mrs. F caught up to me and informed me of our distance.  I don't know if she thought I'd want to turn around or not.  I found myself thinking about running home.  After all, two miles was a big improvement over last time.  Yet everything seemed right, so I decided to keep going for as long as I could.

We ran along the lake front promenade, and I enjoyed the chilled breeze that came off the water.  We ran by one of the parks we like, and past the home of some friends.  We soon approached the trailhead where we had done much of our Couch-to-5k running, and Mrs. F told me that I had already gone about 2.1 miles.  That's when the craziness hit me.  Rather than turning around, turning a corner, and heading home, I decided to trace my path back home.  I decided to run more than four miles.

Now, I know that overdoing it when getting back into something is a real risk.  Everything today, however, felt fine.

Of course, after turning around, we were headed uphill again.  A couple of blocks later, I hit what I'll describe as my wall.  The funny thing is that I remembered the feeling from my first 5k race, and I think it happened at about the same point. I reminded myself that my body does what I tell it to do, and that, if I were careful not to push my pace too much, I should be able to finish the four.

Things evened out again.  They didn't seem as perfect as they had before, but I still knew I could go on.  My next mental test came when we came to a point where I could turn left and make a straight shot to near our house, or continue on a block and then turn right to finish re-tracing our path.  I decided to remind my body who was in charge, so I pressed on. I told Mrs. F of my plan to run to four.

The next turn brought a long, gradual downhill segment, and I enjoyed it, even though I knew what was ahead.  That steep downhill I enjoyed on the way out was now a challenge to be faced.

I remembered advice someone had given me about hills--to shorten my stride, lean into them a bit, and to swing my arms more.  It was certainly a challenge, but I made it to the top.  When we turned west, however, I saw that the next half mile (or more) was a long, gradual climb.  I slowed again to regulate my breathing, but kept myself moving along as best I could.  Not wanting to disappoint myself, I told Mrs. F that I would run to 4.1, just to make sure the mapped route didn't come up under four.  She told me as we hit four, and I told her I would run to 4.1.  Seeing a stopsign and T-stop ahead, marking our final turn toward home, I decided to forego 4.1 and to run right up to the stopsign.  As Mrs. F and I came up to the final street before the stop, we sped up.  Her ability to sprint has really improved in the past six months! We both finished that last segment on a sub-8:00 pace--not too shabby for a FatMan who just ran over four miles.

The final tally for me: 4.24 miles in just over 1:10.  That turned out to be a 16:50mm pace.  I won't complain about that, since it was my first run in a month, my first run over a mile in more than six months, and my longest run ever.

Perhaps a new day is dawning...

Weight Check 6/25/10

FatManRunning

Last Friday: 280.6 lbs.


Today: 280.2 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -.4 lbs.

Goal: 210.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 19.8 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 70.2


Comment: This was an extremely stressful week on many fronts. My head is caught in too many things to even think about exercising. I'm not getting enough rest, so it makes it hard to get up early in the morning to run.



Mrs. F
Last Friday: 158.5 lbs.


Today: 155.4 lbs.


Gain/Loss: - 3.1 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 27.4 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 5.4

Comment: I was really jazzed to see how much i lost this week. It was an extremely stressful week and I ate way less. For once, stress worked to my benefit!!! I was really busy and didnt get in any runs in at all this week. Im sure that next week will be a much smaller loss but im enjoying this one!

Weight check 6/18/10

FatManRunning

Last Friday: 282.8 lbs.


Today: 280.6 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -2.2 lbs.

Goal: 210.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 19.4 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 70.6


Comment:



Mrs. F
Last Friday: 159.9 lbs.


Today: 158.5 lbs.


Gain/Loss: - 1.4 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 24.3 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 8.5

Comment: I was really excited to see the numbers finally go below 159!!! I worked harder at tracking this weekend and was successful on one of the two days -- Baby steps, though! And I got in two good runs this week before weigh in as well as a really good eating week. I kept my calories 1850 or less each day. Im pleased with the progress and IM enjoying seeing the cumulative total inch closer to 25 lost. Once I hit my goal weight, I plan to reevaluate once i hit 150 and detemine if I want to lose the other ten that reach my 2nd goal of 140.

Weight Check 6/11/10

weight check 6/4/10
FatManRunning

Last Friday: 285.0 lbs.


Today: 282.8 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -2.2 lbs.

Goal: 210.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 17.2 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 72.8


Comment: I've not gotten back to running regularly, but I did my best to limit my portions to what Mrs. F was eating. I think doing that will help me feel a little better, perhaps helping me to get out running again.

Mrs. F
Last Friday: 159.8 lbs.


Today: 159.9 lbs.


Gain/Loss: +.1 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 22.9 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 9.8

Comment: I was discouraged with this weeks gain,even though its not much, it still was frustrating. I am thankful to be staying steady but being in the same pound range for 4 weeks is very frustrating. Part of it, Im sure is less consistency with running. Its been a lot harder getting up to run in the early mornings. Eating has been okay, although weekends are a lot tougher to eat consistently. I guess I just need to keep plugging away!

weight check 6/4/10

FatManRunning

Last Friday: 285.4 lbs.


Today: 285.0 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -.4 lbs.

Goal: 210.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 15.0 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 75.0


Comment:

Mrs. F
Last Friday: 159.3 lbs.


Today: 159.8 lbs.


Gain/Loss: +.5 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 23.0 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 9.8

Comment: It was a week with more indulgences -- mememorial day picnic, birthday cake and housewarming party all factored in. So while Im not happy for the gain, Im thankful its only a half pound up.

Weight check 5/27/10

FatManRunning

Last Friday: 285.6 lbs.


Today: 285.4 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -.2 lbs.

Goal: 210.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 14.6 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 75.4


Comment:

Mrs. F
Last Friday: 159.8 lbs.


Today: 159.3 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -.5 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 23.5 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 9.3

Comment: I was pleased to see the half pound gone. I didnt have a very consistent eating week, so I had feared it might have gone the other direction. Its very encouraging to see the numbers go below 10 towards my first goal. After I reach 150, I plan to reevaluate, and see if I want to lose that last 10 towards my 2nd goal of 140.

Recap

I know its been ages since I blogged but Im still here. I made it through the winter,and did keep running. :) Now its on to learning to run in the heat of the summer!

I ran 39.5 miles in January, 26.5 in february, 33.5 in March, 39.4 in April and thus far 15.8 in May. Im still trying to find the balance of the right amount of running that doesnt cause my legs to hurt. I dealt with some shin splints along the interior of my legs. My desire to run more and faster may have had something to do with that!! I had to take a few weeks off here or there to let the muscles heal and then I dialed back the milage. I have been using runnign ahead to track my miles and i love seeing the numbers!

Mr. F got me my birthday present a few months early - a Garmin 305 watch! I absolutely love it. I love having the data at my fingertips and having the distance as Im running is very very helpful. I opted for the version with the heartrate monitor and have been using that as well.

My current plan for running is to do 3 runs a week, 1 longer run (4-6 miles) and two shorter runs (less than 4), totally 8-11 miles per week. The weeks I went past that and hit 13 and 14 miles run, were weeks that really did my legs in. So while the desire to run a lot is there, I just have to take my time in getting there.

Im also trying on the off days to bike anywhere from 3-7 miles. That hasnt been as consistent for me. Its not as high of a calorie burn so its easier for me to just skip that workout.

Speaking of calorie burn, I officially have lost 23 lbs since last august. I fully believe thats why I have kept running, i can see visable results in having lost 6 sizes of clothing. Well and the fact that I like to eat chocolate, running, allows me that indulgence in moderation. Dont get me wrong, there have been plenty of plateaus and losing and regaining the same five pounds over and over. Lots of weeks of bad eating thrown in there. I just keep on going though. One of the keys to making this work for me was learning not to beat myself up over a bad day. Nor to let that bad day torpedo me into many more bad days of eating. Just to let it stand for what it is and move on to eating better the next day. In fact, yesterday was a really really bad day for eating but today is a new day. Im still using my daily plate for calorie counting and then using the calorie burn on my garmin watch for a more accurate exercise calorie burn.

I dont have any specific races planned but Im hoping to do a few this summer. Im a bit anxious to see how my training has paid off. I can see the results in that my pace is getting better and better but race running is a different ballgame.

Im in the process of transitioning to running in the mornings again. Its been wickedly hot and humid here (80-95) and running in the afternoon was just not an option. Its been a much harder transition than I anticipated. The pull of sleeping is strong. I really need to be hitting the sack much earlier in the night, if Im going to pull off a 530 am run! Its way too easy for me to say, Im not getting up today. When I was running after school, I was very consistent in getting out at least every other day. Just need to keep plugging away at making the change, I guess!

Keep on running folks
Mrs. F

15 Minute Mile

Saturday morning, Mrs. F convinced me to go for a run.  It was my first run in close to six months. The treadmill we bought has a belt-slippage problem, so it hasn't been used.  We know what needs to be done to test it so we can get warranty service, but until the last week or two, I've been tied up with my grad studies and have not been available to help Mrs. F complete the test.

It was only one mile.  I likely could have held on for more, but I spent most of the first half mile trying to get control of my breathing, and I was ready to be done before we even hit the half mile mark.  On the way back, Mrs. F had to jog in place to stick with me at times, and she asked me if I wanted to walk some.  Stubborn as I am, if I was out for a run, I was out for a run. I slogged through the entire mile, and Mrs. F's Garmin Foreruner told her that I had completed it at a 15 minute mile pace. Not bad for a fat old dog who has been sitting in his room reading books and writing papers for what seems like forever.

Actually, she said I started at an 11 minute mile pace, and slowed from there.  When I get my stamina back, I might even surprise myself.

Okay, it wasn't just agreeing to go with her on the run, either.  I don't remember what bargain we struck the night before, but when I asked her to do something, she replied, "Only if you agree to run with me in the morning." I need to watch what I agree to when I'm tired.  ;-)

Speaking of bargains, Marie has been trying to bait me back into the health and fitness thing (I've not even ridden my bike to work since we hit a particularly cold stretch this winter).  She offered that, if I can get to my goal weight, I can get a motorcycle.  At first, I thought she was kidding, but she's made the offer numerous times over the past couple of months.  Before some of you go off on how dangerous motorcycles can be, let me just say that I'm aware of the risks of riding an open-air vehicle at highway speeds.  Had I gotten a motorcycle when I was in my 20s, I would have been afraid for me.  As I am today, I'm much less inclined to be reckless--there's no one I want to impress, and I have plenty of reasons why I want to stay injury free (not the least of which is knowing that one good accident would mean that the motorcycle woiuld go bye-bye).

At first, the thought of a motorcycle really didn't motivate me at all.  As the weeks have worn on, however, that little voice in the back of my head is saying, "Why not? You can do that." Perhaps I can.

I didn't weigh on Friday, but I did weigh at home on Saturday morning: 285.6.  Thankfully, I've held at this plateau without losing too much ground.

It's not that my first run in a while went off without a hitch.  I don't know if it is just starting again after so long, or the run coming so soon after all that time carrying our gear up in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area, but I really had some discomfort in the time after the run.  Of course, my legs were starting to feel like Jello when I finished, but I really feel the strain in my quads.  Then there was the back pain.  On Saturday evening, Mrs. F and I made four batches of Hudson Bay Bread, and that left me standing and bending (for the lower oven) a lot.  By the time we were done, I was too sore to stand.

Hudson Bay Bread, by the way, is definitely not a low-calorie food.  It's basically ground oats, brown sugar, butter, honey,  and molasses.  We make some varieties with nuts and dried fruit as well.  It was one of the foods we took with us to the Boundary Waters on our canoe trip, and since we signed up for snack at our church fellowship for the weekend after we returned, we thought it would be a fun treat to share with others.

Taking time to follow this rabbit trail, I'll admit that making it re-awakened some of my entrepreneurial leanings.  We figured that, if it was well received, we could look into renting some food-grade kitchen space to make a few batches for samples and sale.  I know someone who has a website through which he sells camping gear (aimed primarily at canoe trekkers), and I've seen a number of inquiries online from people who have searched for places to buy Hudson Bay Bread, so I thought it might be a good fit.  Getting ready for this canoe trip also had me working on a design for a lightweight, packable, wood-burning stove, but that has not gone past the drawing stage (though I do have a friend who is a design engineer working up the sketches in AutoCAD). Thus, I've obviously had some time beyond my studies, but allocating time is always easier when you enjoy what you're doing.

When I first completed the Couch-to-5k program, I can't say I really enjoyed running.  There were a few runs that felt great, but it never became the butter to my bread as it seems to have become for Mrs. F.  She'll be the first to admit that it hasn't been easy for her by any means, but running did seem to "click" for her (I'll let her post as to whether or not I characterized that correctly).  Of course, it probably helps that, since she was able to stick with it better than was I, she's seen a bit more of a return on her labor: she's looking great.  It might not make sense to most of you, but while I'm glad for her success, it also makes me feel worse about my inability to keep going.  I try to focus on the former (being happy for her success) without dwelling too much on the latter.  She's able to run with another friend in town now, and she's talking about 10k races, half-marathons, and even mini-triathalons.  All the while, I was just realizing how much my mind really is a one-track mind: when I got into running, that's all I cared about.  When school started up again, that's all I could do.  As our BWCA trip got closer, it was the only thing on my mind.  Now that the trip is over, school is nearly done, and a motorcycle is being dangled in front of me, my mind might be realigning to return to running/fitness as its focus-du-jour.

Now, if I could only remember to brush my teeth every day...

Weight Check 5/21/10

Mrs. F
Last thursday: 161.6 lbs.


Today: 159.8 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -1.6 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 23.0 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 9.8

Comment: I know i havent posted a weight check in several months but I have been tracking my progress. Its really exciting to be in thre 150's, even if its only barely! The boundary waters trip did definitely help in losing a bit more than my normal pound! Mr. F will weigh and report back later. Keep on running!

Finally, a break

This past weekend, Mrs. F and I got our first alone-by-ourselves (no family or friends to visit) getaway in more than 10 years.  We went past Ely, Minnesota into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness  (affectionately know simply as the BWCA) inside Superior National Forest. We paddled more than 15 miles in to our campsite, carrying everything we needed on our backs as we portaged between lakes.  That included a 65+ lb. canoe and three packs ranging from 35 to 45 lbs.  We made camp on Lake Insual, about eight or nine miles from a lake with native American pictographs, so that was our primary day trip.  All in all, we paddled between 45 and 50 miles, and carried our gear around three miles! It was great fun, and quite a workout!

Long, dark winter

I've been away (mentally) for too long.  The pressure of finishing grad school is really getting to me. I've only taken one short run in the past three months.  Health issues are starting to press again.  Weight is still hovering on a plateau, though, so that's the only good news (beside the fact that I'm still upright and taking nourishment).  I've really come to hate the short days of winter, so am glad to see spring finally here (and even a bit early in our area).  I'm in a funk I just can't shake.

I have only 11 weeks of classes left, though I think I have a break in there somewhere for Independence Day.  I walk in May, but am not very excited about it (but that's another story).

Stress levels at home are high.  My fuse has been short, and I feel like a prisoner in my own home: every evening is defined by needing to do homework.  Unfortunately, I get distracted far too easily, putting me behind, and that adds to the stress.

[Sigh!]

The only thing that has kept me going is knowing that Mrs. F and I will be taking a canoe trip together in May, to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary.  It will be our first four-day weekend together, without the kids (and without a schedule of family or friends to visit) in ten or more years.  We're headed up into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness (BWCA for short).  We'll put in as early as we can on a Friday morning, and paddle out on the following Monday.

Mrs. F has continued running.  She was already faster than me while we were doing the C25K program.  Now, I don't stand a chance of running with her again.  She's up to six miles, and I think I'd struggle through one now.  I don't want her to feel bad about it, but it just makes it so much harder for me.  This was really working when she and I were getting up and squeezing our half-hour in early in the morning.  With longer runs and longer times now, however, it's best for her to run mid-afternoon, right after the kids get home from school.  That's right before I get home from work, and I simply have no energy to run at that time.

I ran across an article in Newsweek (online) about Lesley Kinzel, who blogs at Fatshionista.com.  She was featured because of all of the recent discussions on childhood obesity.  She was overweight as a child, and it became central to her self-identity at a very young age.  In reading her story, I realized the same was true for me: from an early age, I was always "the fat kid", and that became how I see myself.  I was always "the fat kid", and, even as an adult, I still see myself as "the fat kid".

The real kicker is that I actuall dropped to a healthy weight for a while.  During my senior year in high school, I was studying karate and was biking everywhere.  Looking back on photos now, I see that I looked pretty good, but I still saw myself as "the fat kid".  How is it that we can get a self-image so far ingrained into our being that it becomes the permanent filter through which we see ourselves and our lives?

I have no clue what I weighed when that picture was taken.  All I now know is that I look at it and I want to cry.  Had I only been able to see myself as I was, versus how I perceived myself to be, it might have helped me keep the weight off.

About four years later I was around 230 lbs.  A year or two after that, I was 260 lbs.

Yet, to me, I felt no different at 260 lbs. than I did when that photo was taken.

Even now, as I hover just under 290 lbs., I feel just as fat as I've always felt--sometimes even bigger--even though I know my peak weight was 348 lbs!

There's a lot of pain tied up inside somewhere.  I hate being "the fat kid".  Right now, however, I have no energy or motivation to go out there and fight for a change.

This is how I looked during the summer of 2009, before I started the C25K program.  I can see the difference between the pictures, but my mind has always seen me the same way, regardless of how large I was. When Mrs. F posts family picutres online today, I still cringe.  I don't like the way I look.  I never have liked the way I look, because I remember that no one likes "the fat kid".

Here we were after our second 5k, the Howard Lake Turkey Tagalong.  This is after completing C25K and proving I could run over three miles.  Yet, I still see myself as "the fat boy". How can I ever reprogram that image? How can I ever get beyond that identity? I know many of you will think of your own journeys, and the things that worked for you.  I thought I had found a new life, but being "the fat boy" has been like a boat anchor.  The way I figure it, I'll  probably need to start C25K all over again, because I don't know if I can even run a mile at this point.  The bike has been in the garage, too.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Is that all this is? Is it just a pity party? If it is, I wish I knew how to stop the music.  If this is a carnival ride, I want to get off. I'm madly envious of the success Mrs. F has achieved.  I just feel powerless to follow in her footsteps.  I'm back to feeling like I'll be trapped this way for the rest of my life, and I know that means it will be a shorter life.  That just feeds the depressive cycle.  I find myself craving more sweets and comfort foods because I'm feeling down.  I know they're no good for me, but I want them anyway.  I just want a little relief now--I'm not thinking about the long-term.  As I'm writing this, I'm beating myself up even more, because I realize how odd it must sound for a guy to be rambling on like this.  This struggle, and my self image, don't help me feel masculine.  Do other overweight guys simply never feel this way, or are they stronger than I so as to shrug it all off?  I wish it were possible for the old Simon and Garfunkel song to be true: "I am a rock. I am an island. / And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries."

Weight check 2/12 - Mrs. F

Mrs. F
Last Friday: 166.8 lbs.


Today: 164.9 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -1.9 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 17.9 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 14.9

Comment: Woot! Im very pumped to see the lose this week. Last week,I didnt even weigh in cause it was a bad week! I got back on track this week, did two good runs and watched my intake. I love seeing the numbers go down! Almost 18 lbs lost, it still amazes me.

Saturday run

This week has been lighter on the workout front as Ive been dealing with shin splints on the side of my legs. Plus my knees were a bit achy. I thought it best to keep it slow and easy this week.

I did two runs on the treadmill on monday and wednesday at 2 miles a piece. I finally got my first outside run in over a week in today. I set out hoping to hit 3 or 4 miles today but my muscles didnt agree. I cut the run short and ended up going only 2.2 miles. My pace was 13:45 -- so I figured slow and short is good for this week.

I think I just need to ease back into upping my miles. I went too far too fast. I looked at my running tracking site and realized I doubled my output -- oops! I was doing about 6 miles a week and then the next went to 13, then 10. So thats likely why Im dealing with shin splints. My goals got a bit ahead of my body!

But I did put in 39.5 miles for the month of January. I am extremely pleased with that output. Ideally, Im shooting for 42 a month but I will definitely take the 39!

Keep on running folks
Mrs. F

Weight check January 29

FatManRunning

Last Friday: 280.9 lbs.


Today: 281.6 lbs.


Gain/Loss: +.7 lbs.

Goal: 210.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 18.8 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 71.6


Comment: My focus this week was homework, I only have three more classes to go.

Mrs. F
Last Friday: 166.9 lbs.


Today: 166.8 lbs.


Gain/Loss: -.1 lbs.


Goal: 150.0 lbs.


Cumulative: 16.0 lbs.


Pounds to lose: 16.8

Comment: I was dealing with some shin splints on the side of my legs so I deliberately took an easier workout week. I only ran 6 miles this week. I feel pretty good about not gaining as I seemed to eat a lot and worked out less! Hopefully I can get back in gear and get the numbers trending downward again.